To Cleanse, Perchance To Breathe

When I was a kid I suffered from a sinus infection at least once a year. It involved the whole package-- green goop coming out of my nose, the headache with pressure in my cheekbones. Our Oregon valley was full of pollen and mold spores and flowers and, well, you name it. When I moved to the other coast, I never had sinus infections. But that doesn’t mean my nose hasn’t been a problem. It’s often drippy and according to my doctor, the flatness of my bridge means more pressure is put upon certain nasal passages than others.

I’m not a fan of discussing medical anything, so it was quite the surprise when my father, also not a fan of anything involving doctors, pills or needles, wanted to show me his latest nasal health ritual. While it looked more like a science experiment than anything else, he showed how he poured his water + salt solution down one nostril, cocked his head a certain way and we waited for the water to pour out the other side. I have to say that at 32 years of age it was pretty cool and I never thought my dad would be up for the challenge of something like that. But it turns out that with practice, the Neti pot is awesome.

Sorry, Keats, but I love my Neti pot so here is my own take upon my new object of beauty. Unlike your Grecian Urn, my ceramic vase is not only lovely, but functional and healthful. It allows my small bridged nose to breathe better, sneeze less and avoid unwanted running. Upon hearing that my dad used a Neti pot and that he wanted to get one for me, my doctor, lovely woman that she is, turned her head and said, “that is the greatest gift he could ever give you.” Apparently they are highly regarded. It deserves a poem of reverence. In the spirit of fun and channeling my inner Billy Collins, here is an ode to my Neti Pot. And by the way, if anyone on the marketing team from the Snuggie franchise wants to do a commercial…you know where to find me.

Ode On A Neti Pot

by Nicole Speulda

Thou pure unvarnished vessel of cleanliness,
Thou fosterer of nasal healthfulness,
Yogic master of sinus irrigational power,
I honor the daily soothing and moistening hour.

Your porcelain pot counters pollen, dirt and irritants,
A reliever of mucus, dryness, and amphirhinal lint
Thou stream is a nostril enema, of a kind,
For a healthy nose, body and peace of mind.