Snoverkill: Only In Our Nation's Capital

According to the Associated Press, President Obama prefers the term “Snowmaggeddon,” to describe our current weather condition here in DC rather than the other terms our snow/rain fearing residents have come up with in the last week. I have no doubt that some ultra conservative somewhere will criticize him for using “slang” and link it in some way to his “blackness,” but really it’s just our own special Washingtonian wordsmiths in the hyper blogotwittersphere that started it. He just took a position, and I love him for it.
What am I talking about and why is this even a news story?

There’s nothing like a massive amount of snow to bring out the solidarity and puniness of people who think they are witty in my city. DC has long been a city of contrasts—a city of power, wealth and education on one half and a city of utter poverty, violence and crack on the other. In the 15 years I have lived here, the murder rate has decreased considerably, the “power” of politicians has become a farce and as an added bonus, our mayor is no longer a crackhead

While conditions have changed drastically, some things are undeniably the same. Rest assured whether it’s digging out of a snowstorm together or smacking a neighbor in the face with a snowball, everyone in DC loves a good turn of phrase.

And there’s nothing we like better than polluting every single air sea and spacewave with clever terms for our own snowstorm: Snowmageddon, Snowpocalypse, Snowperbole, Snowtorious B.I.G., and yes, Snomgasm. And those are just the “Snow” hybrids. I am not going to mention the choice blizzard favorites.

Tomorrow’s forecast looks ominous, a second scare symbolized by visiting my local grocery store which had virtually nothing on the shelves, including canned goods. Tomato paste, really?  How many other people living within a 5 block radius of me needed tomato paste, canned tomatoes, diced, anything—all gone on shelves 8 cans deep and 5 shelves wide? Either local restaurants came in and snapped them up, or DC has a serious tomato problem.  But I digress...

Normally two inches of snow would shut down Washington, but that was soo the blizzard of 1996. Now, responsible DC citizens “organize” a snowball fight. Yes, it’s sadly true that as the weathermen upped the ante on Saturday, hill staffers, non-profiteers and money grubbers alike banded together to organize a time and a place to have a snow smackdown in Dupont Circle. But that’s not all; “copy-cat” snowball fights ensued in several other circles, but hey, these are hard workers with nothing else to do! Now that the government has shut down all operations for Tuesday, I wonder what kind of socially organized mutiny will break out…stay tuned!

Despite the temptation to post Alexander Pope's "Rape of the Lock" as one of the earliest examples of satire/poems full of pun, I shall refrain.  Here is one of the worst/best examples (isn't that what pun poetry is?) of wordplay.  I found it here on Brose and Oseike’s randomness.

Leaf Me Alone

Leaf me alone.
Don’t bark at me like an angry dog
Don’t tell me to branch out or try and spruce me up.
Yew maple* me any way you wish
But I don’t want to go against my grain.
I like the roots I’ve got
And willow-er* my standards not a jot
(Though you wood say they’re low enough already).
I’m knot going to rowan* my life pining for you.
Don’t give me sage advice to make me poplar.
I’m alder than yew, your changes walnut* stick.
I have the balsa knot bough* before your Ivy League education
And I’ve found my grove,
Don’t blame me if I like acorny joke every now and then.
Yew can take that “holly-er than thou” attitude and shove it up your ash.

Yup, this is the humor you get when dealing with Blizzilla!